Friday, December 19, 2008

As I sit here in the early morning of the 20th of December thinking about my daughter. We went to the gene counselor on Thursday and again I was told that it is a true Miracle my daughter lived as long as she did when my mom asked if this was very common the lady looked at her and says we have no idea they don't make it past two weeks most times so you wouldn't even know you were pregnant yet! I miss here something awful! The ironic thing about all of this is that she didn't have the family marker Gene that the boys do! The gene therapist said that the marker could make my boys infertile! Makes me think twice about wanting another one how could I burden another child with this? I love my family and I miss my daughter I am tornen between wanting to be here with them and wanting to be with my daughter in Gods arms. I would never hurt myself or any one else of course but I so want my little girl!! How can you love some one so so much that was in your life for such a short time? I try to move on be happy that I have the baby's I do people told me it would get better when I had the new baby to take care of but they were wrong way wrong I tend to find my self looking in to Logan's eyes thinking if he looks any thing like Sonya if she would act like him and a lot of other stuff if any thing having him made it worse. I am so scared I will lose him to I can't sleep or enjoy him. Why did my daughter have to die? Why dose my heart hurt so so bad still? I miss her so much and love her even more! I will leave it at this I could go on all night.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Wow its been along time. I have been busy with Christmas coming and thanksgiving going! I have just turned 26 and feel old kind of.

I still have my little sister and it doesn't look like that will change any time soon and I am ok with that. I am so stressed out because bills are piling up and there isnt enough money and I don't know what we will do for Christmas.

I miss my little girl I want her so badly!

I am going to post some new pictures of Logan and the other boys.They are getting so big! I can't believe that Logan is 5 1/2 months old and Joey will be 9 in feb!! How time flys!!