Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Life update.

Well every thing is ok as of now we still have a home at this point and our lights and gas and such. We have been really hurting trying to get all caught up we have little food but mange to make it last. We are very grateful for all we have and that we have healthy happy children. God has blessed us in so many ways and has showing him self to us in this time of need. We are really scared we are going to lose the house and are 4 kids will have no place to go. Please pray for us that God will proved what we need. I have faith that we will get through all this hardship and come out on the other end better people! We did get our new car so we can get to town safely and every ones buckled in to safe seats Praise God for that.

My Baby is going to be 9 on Saturday!It doesn't seem like 9 years since I held him in my arms for the first time and fell completely in love with him!! I was 17 so young to have a baby but I loved him so and did every thing I could to make his life as good as it could be. I love him so much! Happy Birthday Joey Mommy loves you!!

He is so super smart and cute and every thing about Joey is amazing!! He is my helper and my teacher he is the love of my life. I have always been so worried since I have had him about getting him taking from me because I don't deserve to have some one so special in my life. He is my heart. I love all my children. We have been through so much we are good people why do we have to suffer when there are people that get things they don't deserve that they didn't work for?

Friday, February 6, 2009

Please Pray for us!

We are in deep and are just waiting for our check from the IRS to catch up with the bills please if any one reads this pray that it comes quickly so we can get all this caught up!!

I just need more time Lord Please I pray to thee to let us get by for this time until it comes please Lord I lift my burden up to you!

A new shelf and a lost bear.

I put Sonya's stuff in our glass cabinet under our wedding stuff Because it was all crammed on her shelf! Not a lot more room we have to give her two shelf's soon LOL here are some pictures! As I was moving her stuff I notcied that one of her bears that we got right after she died is missing? Makes me mad that some one would steal it I hope it just got lost and we find it.

Here I sit again.

Here I sit again in my shroud of sorrow that is unknow to all but me. I seem so happy so calm but inside I am a baskit case. I some days think I need help need to see some one to tell all these hidden feelings to but then I think if I let them out I will never be able to contorl them hide them again. I will be a slat for every one to look apone and try to wipe and re-write! I don't want that my feeling a true raw and I need them I do not need people telling me how to feel or I should be over this by now!
I have had to many people say that to me when I laie my heart out to them. No I am not over it! She is not an it she is my daughter she had a name and was loved more then life! How can you get over the loss of your child?? How can any one ask me to get over her?? I may not have had her for very long but I loved her I knew her I felt her I held her inside me for 18 weeks and will hold her memory in my heart forever!! The only reason I wright this here is I know I am the only one who reads it or cares to. Maybe it has gotten a few passing glancies but no one takes the time to look at it which is really ok with me.
I feel so full of Joy when I look at my children and think of how I would feel looking at my only daughter playing and laughing with my son's. How would she like having a little brother?? Whould she be jeliouse of him??Would she be a daddy's Girl.
I miss her so so much life is just so unfair sometimes but God is good and dose what is best for us I am hoping to see My Sweet Sonya Marie one day in heaven when We sit at the knee of God and I hold her for the first time I will weep tears of Joy that day like I never in my life have before. I miss her so so much it's almost unbearable at times I have so much faith that she is in good hands watching and waiting for me. Here I sit crying again nt only because I miss My baby but because one day I will reunite with her and fall to my knees and thank God she is there waiting for me. Dose any one understand??