Thursday, January 1, 2009

Goodbye 2008 Hello 2009!

Soyan's Angel Bear
Sonya Snow Flake
Sonya Stocking
Sonya's Angel
Logan Daddy and Bryan Looking at the tree
Sonya's First Christmas Orenament
Logan and Papa Lighting a candle
Sonya's Angel Bell
Logan sitting Up for the first time by himself

I sit here another year behind me and fell so lost still. I want my daughter I really really want her so badly. You think things will get better but they don't you just learn how to live with it and deal with it and hide it better! Why couldn't I just hold her once tell her I love her. She is so much apart of me.

Oh having another baby will help you Melissa.Yeah it helped it helped very one forget about my daughter! Helped no one want to talk about her anymore (like they wanted to any way!). Have Logan didn't help at all don't get me wrong I Love him so so much and he is every thing to me Everything but having him made me feel worse. I look at my beautiful son and think Sonya should be here with him. I always wonder if he looks any thing like her I some times hold him and imagen I am holding her and cry the most heart raching cry I every have. I hate it I dont want to scare him and never have but what if I do one day. I watch him and wonder if Sonya would be any thing like he is?

I miss her so so badly.

1 comment:

lindzy said...

this is normal, everyone i've spoke too that has a baby after a loss has felt like this...i do the same things, it was so incredibly hard when we had another baby last year, and another girl at that, i was terrified the whole pregnancy, afraid to hope, afraid to get attached...the first few months after she was born i watched her every move and thought "this should be kaydence, would she have been doing this? i didnt get to see these things w/ kaydence" and i cried endlessly for the big hole that was missing in my heart and in my life...i wonder everyday how things would be if she were still here.