Wednesday, June 29, 2011
The Waiting Game and Life Update...
As I have wrote before Lexie Has to have an MRI in July to see if she has a tethered Spine and if so we will opt for surgery. I have waited all month for them to call and they said to call them if they did not call by the end of the month so I called and got the answering machine Ugh!! So now we wait some more! The waiting is Killing Me! I just want it all to be over I want to know what we have to do next and just have a plan! Carl has started a new Job (yay for Him!) that will make it almost impossible for him to be at the MRI and Hard to be there for the Surgery if it is needed! This makes me very upset that he will not be able to be there for our daughter when she needs him since she will have to be put under for the MRI so you never know how her body will handle it. I am so nervous with it all! I am scared of what the will find since she has one curved leg and her foot on that leg turns in some she also has a floppy ear on that side but other then that she is a healthy happy almost 6 month old! She is doing great she rolls and sits up eats like a champ and says words I do not think I ever heard from a baby her age! She learned her H and I first because instead of the repetitive Say Mama Or Say Dada most people do well trying to get their kids to say those sounds I use Hi and I love you most when speaking to her so she picked up those start sounds first.She is so cute! I will say Hello to her and she will mouth the word! I will also say I Love you and she will make sounds that sound like the words I love you! She is a Beautiful baby though I may be Bisus Because after all she is is mine! She has said both Mama and Dada one time each. She will sign more, bottle and up. She also has her own signs for a few more things. She will eat baby food but is more interested in food that has texture and cups that don't have lids she has an a want sound that sounds like a growl! She is just a handful and a Joy! She takes up most of my time so it is a bit annoying when trying to get things done I need to through out the day! She dose sleep pretty good from about 11 pm to 6 am every night now which is nice since I have a 3 year old that has slept one night through since birth! She plays with toys by herself but would rather play with someone then alone. I wear her as much as I can but I have hip, back, and shoulder problems so it is hard on my body sometimes!
Wow I can not believe I have two birthdays coming up one Son Collin Will be 10 OMG I can not believe he is that old already! Then Logan Will be 3 and that seems right he has not grown up to fast or to slow but just the right pace for me! Logan is very small for his age he is 29 pounds and 34 in the size of an average 18 month old! He is my tiniest boy and I Love him that way! Collin is very smart and is going into the 4th grade next year! It took us a lot of work to get him to the little man he is today but he is a handful and a joy all in one! He is a handful in the sense he is very emotional and dose not have the ability to express it like normal people he is a joy in the sense he is kind and loving and a very giving person! He is so sweet and a Joy to be around but he is also very loud and get frustrated easily and will yell and threaten me in a none violent way (IE telling me he will tell people I hurt him when I don't) And it gets very annoying at times but the good in him out weighs all the bad!
As I said earlier Carl(husband) has got a new Job! He was miserable at his old one and only kept going because he needed to support us. If he didn't have the kids and I to take care of he would have quit long ago. For that I Love him so Very Much and will Thank Him and God for him Everyday! He likes this job better but hates the place in the foundry they have put him at this point. I hope he will get to work some place he likes better in the near future! He gets better pay and better perks but less over time so we will be tight for awhile, If anyone reads this can you Please Pray for our finances? Thank You!
My health is still not so good, in the summer it always gets worse. The doctors can't agree on what is wrong, It is very frustrating to know your sick and not be able to say yes I have this and have people believe you. Some people say it is all in your head and you start to think Hummmm maybe it is even though you know its not and know you are not crazy and there Is something wrong! I am soo Sick of being tired, and having sores, and losing hair, and my Joints swelling and aching so so badly...... I just want to know what is wrong and be able to at least fix what we can! I have been battling this my whole life but mostly for the last 12 years. 12 years I have been labeled a druggie and told nothing was wrong and oh my pain couldn't be that bad and I must be depressed to have so much wrong with me( you know Psycho-somatic!)I am not depressed nor have I ever been and I do have real symptoms they are not in my Head I do not manifest them and I do not over exaggerate to get attention! If anything I under exaggerated them so people do not know because I hate to be worried about! I just want to be normal and be able to go in the sun and play with my kids! I hate it that I can't just be Normal!!
We are doing great in the new house the kids love it and are enjoying being able to run around and not having to worry about rude mean neighbors or gun fire. It's nice to be out in the woods. It's just hard on the budget to be so far away from Carl's work but its worth it to give our children a better environment to grow up in.
I am doing ok with missing Sonya. It is still so very hard and I know when it comes October again I will be back in the same place I am in every year. I Just take it one day at a time and enjoy my living children and enjoy the fact that she is in heaven with Jesus and I will see her again someday! If I didn't know that, That was a Fact I would not be able to live life day to day. I praise God everyday for the strength and faith he has given me because if I did not have it I would be a lost person or may not even be here (I know that's bad but it is the truth)I Thank The Lord every day for Carrying me through the most horrible time in my life.
Thank you to all who read this and Pray for us. I have been a sporadic blogger because I just have not had the time and health needed to keep up! I promise I will try harder to keep up. I Love to write here and it helps me a lot!