Friday, February 6, 2009

Here I sit again.

Here I sit again in my shroud of sorrow that is unknow to all but me. I seem so happy so calm but inside I am a baskit case. I some days think I need help need to see some one to tell all these hidden feelings to but then I think if I let them out I will never be able to contorl them hide them again. I will be a slat for every one to look apone and try to wipe and re-write! I don't want that my feeling a true raw and I need them I do not need people telling me how to feel or I should be over this by now!
I have had to many people say that to me when I laie my heart out to them. No I am not over it! She is not an it she is my daughter she had a name and was loved more then life! How can you get over the loss of your child?? How can any one ask me to get over her?? I may not have had her for very long but I loved her I knew her I felt her I held her inside me for 18 weeks and will hold her memory in my heart forever!! The only reason I wright this here is I know I am the only one who reads it or cares to. Maybe it has gotten a few passing glancies but no one takes the time to look at it which is really ok with me.
I feel so full of Joy when I look at my children and think of how I would feel looking at my only daughter playing and laughing with my son's. How would she like having a little brother?? Whould she be jeliouse of him??Would she be a daddy's Girl.
I miss her so so much life is just so unfair sometimes but God is good and dose what is best for us I am hoping to see My Sweet Sonya Marie one day in heaven when We sit at the knee of God and I hold her for the first time I will weep tears of Joy that day like I never in my life have before. I miss her so so much it's almost unbearable at times I have so much faith that she is in good hands watching and waiting for me. Here I sit crying again nt only because I miss My baby but because one day I will reunite with her and fall to my knees and thank God she is there waiting for me. Dose any one understand??

2 comments:

lindzy said...

I just wanted to write that i read it and i do care....i don't know your exact pain but i'm walking the same path and everything you've written, every emotion, i've felt too. I miss my baby girl so much. Your blog made me cry when i read about sitting and holding her again in Heaven, I dream about that sometimes, about what it will be like when were reunited again. We played a song at my daughter Kaydence's funeral that I think you would like. The band is local for us but I know their music is available nationwide, the song was written by a band member for another band member and his wife after the loss of a child. The band is Quartus, and the song is "Please Watch Over My Baby". I also wanted to tell you about a support website that has been my lifesaver these last 2 years, they have a forum and everyone is so incredibly supportive. You can find it at www.nowisleep.com
(((hugs))) I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers, I found your blog thru a post you made on cafemom so please look me up if you need to talk!
Lindzy Foster

MelissaLoss said...

I Lindzy. I tried to look you up on cafe mom but could not find you. I want to thank you so much! It means a lot to me that people do care. I am so so so sorry That you lost your sweet little girl. Thank you so much!I hope you see this.