Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wow what can I say a lot has gone on since the last time I sat down and wrote...............I have been diagnosed with A autoimmune diese and my hair fell out so badly I had to shave it off and it is still not growing back right.As soon as I got on meds and started to feel better I found out I am pregnant and started bleeding really bad in the 12th week we thought we had lost this baby and any hope of ever having another until they did a ultrasound and the baby was there and fine. I am so scared because now we have more problems they have suspected that I have had a low laying placenta that planted over my c-section scar for some time and but have just confirmed it by ultrasound after telling me it wasn't last ultrasounds but it is and it looks like it is growing through and that my scar is coming open and the wall is so thin there is no wall noticed. Nice right! When can I have a break not be sick not have a million things going on all at once? It must all happen for a reason there must be something I am suppose to learn and gain from all of this. To have faith may be to become closer to God? I will get through and I will make it I WILL! I have Faith that God will be by my side through this all and Carry me when needed. I have no idea why I have so much faith in someone you can't even see but I do and I see him every time I see my Baby's. I Love Him and can not wait to one day be in His light!I may not memorize Scripture I may not know the bible in and out but I love my Lord and try to serve him the best I can. Really I am. It is so hard sometimes to be a person who hides emotion because no one really knows what is going on in my life how hard it really is for me. I wish they could see sometimes that I get hurt to that I have feelings and need them to understand I am scared and feel so alone sometimes. No one knows how much they hurt me with there words.I am very very sensitive. But I am a person who dose not like conflict and will do anything to avoid it even if that means letting things go that tare me up inside.I just am so so scared right now I want my life but I want my baby I want more baby's really I do I would never stop if I could afford and take care of them but to much risk to sick and just not enough of me for more even if it were possible. I will lose my uterus and that is hard God is saying it is time to stop and I am more then ready to listen but it is still very hard and sad.
We found out we are having a girl Here name is Lexie Lou. If I make it to 32 weeks I will be hospitalized for the rest of my pregnancy. Please pray for us. I have to get MRI's and Iron Infusions once a month and go to the doctor every other week. We have to go to GR for all of this and it is about 70 miles from our home so all the gas is really hurting us. Thank you all.