Saturday, April 9, 2011
As I sit here rocking my Beautiful Daughter I think of another Little girl and wonder if she would have liked to be rocked, How it would have been to rock her and Look into her sweet face as she gazes up at me and I wonder what color I would see when I met that sweet little gaze? I wonder if I would softly touch her sweet head with my lips as I do now with This Little Girl and If so What color would the soft hair on that little head be??I rock and wonder if she would be calm or fussy? Would she Look Like Me or Her Dad? Would she like to dance with me like the others? What would be Our song the one I sang Just to her as she drifts to sleep in my arms? Would she look up at me a coo and giggle just because I say Hi Laugh or make funny excited faces? Would she have Like to be on her Tummy? What would her first word be? When would she take her First Step?? As I Look At My Sleeping Daughter I imagine what could have been with a daughter I got to spend so little time with And never got to hold in my arms.Sometimes I close my eyes and feel the wight and picture the other little Girl I wanted so badly I imagine what she would look like, how big she would be, and I see her, I do I keep my eyes closed I want it so badly to be real to be real for just one moment to have just a glimps of her sweet face and a whife of her sweet smell. Just One Moment............But then I open them and she is gone and here in my arms is My Beautiful Little Lexie Not a replacement....Oh No...But A New Hope a New Life A Little Piece of Healing for my heart! I cry as I hold her at times because of the pain I feel for not having Sonya but also For the Love and Joy I have to have Lexie Here and Healthy. I Love her so much but She dose not take the pain away she dose not Heal My Broken Heart like People say A New Child Will! I will never be the same I will never Have a Whole Heart again in this life I will never have a Whole Heart until I go home to My Lord and See my Little Sonya. I am just so lost in this life sometimes wondering why I am here and why I had to lose her but I know one day I will know and I will Rejoice as I see her face in Heaven...............That day will not come soon enough but to soon if any one can understand that. I hurt to think of the people I will leave behind but I am excited about that people who will meet me when I go home! I would like to stay in this life for as long as I can to see my children and Grandchildren grow but I know My time will come when it dose and I will be in the glory of the lord and rejoice but until then I will love and live my life for the Lord!
I Love You Sonya Marie................