Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Well its March. March the month of hopes and dreams March the month my Daughter would have came the month she would be 3. I miss her so Much I Miss My Sonya Marie with all my heart and soul. God I know you have a plan for us but its hard really really hard.To live day to day with out her here with me. To not see my dreams for her come true is like getting my heart ripped out and stomped on every day.

Now my Baby My little Max (puppy) may be very sick and I know he is a dog I know it is not the same but I still love him he is still my baby. He is a piece of my heart and means a lot to me. He may have kidney disease or something wrong with his liver we are hoping against all hope that all he needs is a food change and he will be fine.The food is expensive and we will have to tighten our budget to make do but will do it for him. I don't have the money to fight for him I would have to sale stuff or get a loan. I would in a heartbeat sell everything I own for him. I do everything right and this has to happen. I take him to the vet and get him his shots I feed him good food and love him I brush him twice a day and buy him lots of toys I let him sleep with me and Love him more then life its self. Still this happens why do we deserve this? Why my family why my little furbaby? We have been through so much. I don't know if I could lose him I don't know if my heart could handle another loss. I know you all may not understand and think he's just a dog right.But he's not just a dog he is part of our family I treat him as one of my own. Our family was not whole with out him. He has helped me be less stressed(well now there is more) and less scared to be home alone.He is a Joy and makes me so happy.He is a perfect fit in our family. I really really love him and am very scared of the months to come please if any one can spare a thought and Prayer for my Sweet little Max Lou I would greatly appreciated it more then I could ever say.

We have a new dog we got right before we found out Max's maybe sick.His name is Jacobi He is 2 1/2 years old he is med size and he is a large Blue merl Sheltie.He is so Beautiful and a perfect fit for our family Thank you Cindy for trusting us to care for him!We have only had him a few days but we already love him so much.He barks a lot though annoying but tolerable. Max loves him they play a lot! I love seeing them play together it makes my heart melt.Max is so shy to see him play with another dog makes me so happy!

We had a beautiful day yesterday it was in the 50's and the snow is melting(Thank You God!)We went and played outside and had fun what a joy to see the kids and dogs play in our beautiful big back yard!It will be so beautiful when it is summer our yard is so privet because of all the trees and bush's we have.It will be nice to go out and play with the kids once we get a swing set.I will love to watch them ride there bikes and play in the pool Ahhh Spring is almost here I can't wait I love Spring its one of my favorite seasons.

The boys are good Joey just turned 10 and got a computer, a few other things and his ear pierced! He asked me when he was 7 if he could have it done and I said when your 10 I will let you and 3 days before his 10th birthday he came up and said hey mom you said I could get my ear pierced on my 10th birthday can I get it done? I said your Not Ten Yet!So his dad(Carl)took him on his birthday he was good and got a little blue ball.

Its cute and I like it his father(Nathon)Is not going to be happy but I have custody(of course Nathon has a say but he is not around right now so gave up that right)and it is his body so he can do what he wants within my limits to himself.He has longish hair and wears what he wants and when he is 13 he will be able to dye is hair any color he wants(yes even pink with green poke-a-dots if he so desire).Then at 16 he can pierce something else(tongue lip, Eyebrow, from the neck up.)Or get his first tattoo in a place where most of the time people wont see it(has to be tasteful).

I know I am not a typical mother but I never have been the typical person. I have always been my own person and I want my kids to be the same. My 6 year old had long hair for about 2 years every one told me to cut it but I said no way!I loved it I would have left it like that forever!Then one day he asked me Mommy I want my hair cut so being the mom I am I had to do what he asked for it is his body and hair after all.So I cut it and cried after.I let them sleep in there undies and wear gloves and socks that don't match. I let Bryan wear his undies inside out and backwards if he so desires. Why dose every one have to be so annoying about it? Leave me alone let me raise my Boys!

They are healthy and happy and I feed them and don't abuse them. I love them and care for them and give them what they need!Leave me alone!If I want to give my 1 year old Yogo's with his breakfast its ok there is nothing wrong with that! I love my children and do what I think is best for them I would never ever hurt them on purpose. Yes I let them play video games that aren't quit appropriate but I monitor them and make sure they aren't to bad I let them watch scary movies but not movies that scare them.So what if it is not hurting or scaring them why not??I am so so sick of all the opinion that are being forced upon me!Give it a rest!I wont change any more then I already have so stop trying I mean I only have change as much as I have because of me not any one else!

Bryan and Collin are doing well.Collin is a little grumpy because of his dad(in Jail)I wish he wouldn't have done this to them I wish he was here to help with them. I have never denied him his children even after he tried to kidnap them and took them for months and months from me not letting me know where they were.Trying to make me do what he wanted in order to see them.Then moving away and leaving them for years yes he saw them I made sure he had them for the summers and on holidays that he could get here but other then that they didn't get to see him they were a mess!

Then when he finely comes back he is home for a month and gets put in Jail and it has been 6 months. We wright letters and visited a couple times but its not the same. I am so mad at him!They have Carl who they love but they also love there father ugh! They do get to see the grandma(his mom) and there uncles and cousin and Jenni(Nathon's girlfriend)and there little sister so that is good.

Once he gets out of Jail here he will be expedited to Louisiana for a case there.So more time with out their dad Great!How can he do this to them?I would never ever jeopardize my ability to be with my children.Ever if I could help it!doesn't he know what he is doing to them?? I don't know it drives me nuts but no use dwelling on it so I will move on push forward and do everything I can to make sure they can communicate with him and have faith and trust in God that every thing will work out for the best. With God all things are possible and all things are made right.

Thank you Lord for all that you have given us and all that you have shown us and taught us.Please Lord help Max to be ok heal him fully as I know you can.Please let Carl keep working and help us to have the funds to keep our home and pay for Max if something is wrong please help us not to be to tight and not to worry about how we will pay the bills,I know you are the provider and I know you know what is best please just give me the peace of mind to deal with the day ahead and the strength for what ever is to come,Lord I ask you to help me not to be so stressed and worried all the time please help all of us to stay healthy and happy.In Jesus Name I Pray Amen.I love you Lord!



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