Thursday, March 25, 2010
Well Sonya's due date came and went now and its the thrid one I have had to go through the memorys of all the hopes and dreams for her come flooding back swimming in my mind. Grasping to hang on to the hopes and dreams I reach for them the claw but can never get close enogh to stop them from leaving me its always to late there is never enough time I never get enough time.........In the fog of a half dazed thoughts of sleep I awaken with a joilt! Then I know I had stopped breathing again held my breath to hold on to the memorys to the dreams to every thing I wanted for her. My eyes hurt my body shakes Im awake or am I really?Is this just one big nightmare I am yet to wake from? Then my eyes focus and I know I am awake this isnt a nightmare it is my reality My life My world. The pain I have is still so so deep it has not gotten any better with time as people say it has not gotten any better with a new baby it has not gotten any better with keeping myself busy Yes I may have times when I feel to be almost normal like I can really be ok like my heart isn't dieing everyday with out My Sweet Sonya but then when I'm alone It all comes back and its harder then ever. Please don't tell me I am depressed and I need to seek pro help. I am not depressed I am very happy with most other parts of my life. I enjoy life I love my Family. I just use this place to vent my pain and heartache! I Miss her so so Much. God Why? Why My Girl? I will more then likely never have another child let alone another daughter as of now she is my one and only.I would have a 3 year old right now I would have been picking up from he super party right now.