Winter Fun and What Not.

We went sledding this weekend and had a great time!Here are some pictures of the outing hope you all like them. Joey is doing fine but has to see a GI specialist soon I will update on that when it happens thanks for the prays. There is no news on my surgery yet but I am hopeful they will call soon to update me on it. Thank you to all that pray for us! We will be in our house by the 1st of the year Praise God but that means being off line for at lest 2 weeks.I have been thinking about Sonya a lot looking for little things to put on her shelf when we get to the house. My husband got me a beautiful china cabinet for my birthday to hold all her things and I am so so thankful for such a loving gift because I didn't know where we would put it all up at and didn't just want to leave it sitting around in a box like it is now.I want every one to see it to know she was here and real and that we love her so so much!I Miss Her so so Much more then I could ever say! Well that's it for now I will right more later Thank you to all that read this a Pray for us we really need all we can get!

Pray's for Joey!

My oldest son was born when I had just turned 17 and he is my everything. I loved him from the moment I found I was pregnant with him and I worked hard to make sure he was taken care of the best he could be.Now he is 9 years old and I am scared. He had blood in his stool and we have one idea what this could mean for him. I wouldn't worry so much but it happened more then once so now it is very concerning to me. We have an appointment tomorrow morning to go over the results of his blood count and see were to go from here. I am so so scared. If any one reads this could you please please pray for Joey that there is nothing wrong and it is just a crazy thing thing that happened? Thank you!

I just found out my Oldest Son's Uncle has had a baby girl 8 weeks early she is 3 pounds and is in the nicu they say she is critial. Please Pray for her!

Time of Last resort's

First some Pictures of My Beautiful Little Man!



I know people have a lot worse problems then I have but I have to take the time to talk about this it is a big part of my life. I have TMD with DJD I have tried every treatment known to man to rid myself of the pain and locking I get but nothing has worked and now is the time of last resorts of scared decisions and of worry of what is to come. I have to have surgery it is very risky I could be paralyzed in half my face I could go deaf it could cause brain swelling, scaring and hair loss. I am so scared but I am going to move forward to make myself better for my children my husband and my self Please pray my insurance will cover it and it will work with out any side effects.Thank You.

Life Update

Ugh I am having a hard time getting back in to the swing of things in the blog world!After not righting for so long it is hard to find where to start with it all. I mean so much has happened but really nothing has happened at all compared to others. My big moments seem so little compared to what other go through and deal with on a day to day bases! I know I know every one is different.

Well I have lost about 15 pounds the last 2 months not as much as I would have liked but enough to make me have to buy some new cloths! I am happy with myself. I did it by cutting out everyday pop drinking and walking 2 hours a day! I am so worried about putting it back on because I have not been walking like I should and am hoping to get a treadmill soon so I can walk even with no one to watch the kids!I just don't want to put back on the wight I worked so hard to lose and I want to keep losing not stall here and never get back on track!

Carl started work but they are already started to cut hours again so we don't know how stable hos job is at this point! Please if any one reads this pray he well stay working and get more hours we really need for him to work normal hours so we can have the money to move in our house when it is ready!

We have gotten the keys to our house! Carl is in the process of painting it and then the landlord will put down flooring and redo the tub and we should be able to move in by the begin of December! We are really happy about that it is a wight of our shoulders not having to worry about where we will live! Now all we need is to get moved in!

I have a minor surgery on my jaw for the TMJ they flushed the joint and injected steroids to try to ease the joint I don't know if it has worked yet because we just did this last week. I have to go have a shot in my back on Monday because the scare tissue from an old surgery had adhered to the nerve and hurts so bad and make my whole shoulder go numb!

The older Boys (Joey And Collins) Dad is in Jail for something very very bad! I never thought he would be a person to do what they say he did but now I don't know any more! I just want to smack him for what he is doing to my boys! I want to shake him and scream didn't you think of your sons before you did this what the heck am I suppose to tell them what are we suppose to do now!!?? How could he do this to our children? They are so awesome so kind and loving how could he risk being taken from them for a long time? I know I would never ever ever risk my children for any one or any thing! What do I do now?He is so so stupid! What are my boys going to do!? I mean Carl is a great father to them awesome but they love their dad to! How could he risk never being able to be around his children for something like this? I don't know maybe he didn't really do it like his mom says but who knows? Once he gets out of jail for this he will have to go back to LA to be tried for construction fraud! What the heck is wrong with him?? Why can't he be a smarter person?? Sigh I am so annoyed with him as if owing me 35,000 dollars in back support isn't bad enough! Why did I have to procreate with such losers! Bryan's father is no where to be found last I heard he was in AL and staying there and had another child that was taken from him nice right?Real nice!Ugh! Carl is going to adopt Bryan though! Enough time as gone by that we can do it with out Bryan Sr consent on grounds of abandonment! So I am happy he will get to have Carl's last name so it will be Bryan Duncan John Martin Loss we will drop the Jr but that is it!

I love Carl so much he is so good to us!! We dose every thing to take care of us and I am thankful for him every day! I thank God for sending him to us! I do not know what I would do if I lost him I would feel so lost and alone with out him here with me. Sometimes he dose things that make me wonder how much he truly loves me and how much he is here just for the kids and then in the next moment he makes me feel like the only reason he is in this world is to love me and make me and the boys happy! It is weird but more times then not he makes me feel so safe and loved and like he would never do any thing to hurt me!

I miss Sonya so so bad! October is always a hard month for me because of all the bad things that happened. I still have so many regrets and so many unanswered questions. My mind still races with what ifs and flashes of the moments and day leading up to the death of my daughter. I wish I would have asked more and demanded what I wanted how do you know to ask something if no one tells you any thing? I don't know but I wish some one would have told me I had a choice to see my beautiful little girl that I had the choice to take pictures to hold her to get he foot and hand prints! Some times I just feel like screaming!! I love you my sweet baby.

Halloween was fun we did a lot of stuff we went trunk of treating mall trick or treating to Bryan's school Halloween party and then trick or treating around Carl's dads house! We had lots and lots of fun! it was great.

Earlier last month I went to the farm with Bryan and his class and had fun and took lots of pictures it was great so much what I needed on the day of Sonya's birth and death October 20th.

Here are some recent pictures of Our Family!

Please take a look at My Work!

Look at My work Please


Thanks so much!

Remember Our Baby's!!

Please Remember October 15th to light your candle's at 7pm for the 24 hour wave of light on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day!! I love you Sonya Marie!! We Remember.
You May Not Know
You May Not See
You May Not Hear
You May Not Care
But I Know
And I See
And I Hear
And I Care
I Am Here
And I Sigh
I have All
My Pain Inside
And I Cry
Just Because You
Can't See
Doesn't Mean It
Doesn't Matter to Me
Please Respect Me
and Know That
My Daughter Is Real
I Love You
My Sweet Sonya Marie!

Remember Our Sweet Little Ones and Remember you May have a Friend that needs you right now. Because No Matter How early or Late a loss is How long you carried your little one or got to hold them in your arms it matters it really matters no matter how long they were here they matter and they are real!!

So Long!

It's been so so Long since I have blogged! Oh how I miss it! I have a lot going on right now. Logan screams all the time and he is so needed! I have been back and forth to Ann Arbor for my jaw and I have to have a Joint flush on October 29th that should be fun!! Not. My daughter would be almost 3 now we would be having a butterfly party or something of that short but instead I am going to light a candle and visit her grave. I was at thrift store about a month ago and found something I know the Lord meant me to buy. It caught my eye right away it was a little angel with a birthday gift that had a number 3 in it. I loved it and bought it right away even though I didn't really have the money for it. I miss Sonya so so much my heart aches truly aches at times.

I have pictures to share and Please remember to light a candle tomorrow October 15th for Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance day at 7 pm for a 24 hour continuous wave of light.Thank you.

Short

I am alive!

Almost done packing!

We have one more room to pack and then we are done!!Then tomorrow is the day we move everything and then Thursday we clean. This has been so hard on us because we will not have our own house at the end of this move. I tried so hard to find something and had no luck.My sister did call and told me a friend has a place he is renting and he would work with us so we are hoping to get in there next week. I guess it is very nice. So we are really praying we get it.Thank you to all that care about us!

Moving Stinks!!

We have to be out by Thursday at 6pm and moving stinks!We still do not have any where to live so we are basically homeless Joy! I am so hoping that something will come to us soon!I do not want to live with my mom! I haven't lived with her since 15 and was not planning to ever live with her again!! What a mess! You may not hear from me for awhile because I will not have the net so please keep praying and I will update as much as I can!Know I think and pray for you all often. I will miss the release I get from blogging when I am upset.Why dose this have to happen to us?? Life stinks some time!!

Weekend Fun

We went to my sisters house for the weekend again and it was a lot of fun!! We went swimming (Logan's First Time!!) and it was very stress releaveing!! We are still over whelmed still have no house Carl is still laid off and we are so worried but it was nice to forget about all that for a while and play with the kids! Please Keep Praying we really need it!! Thank you! I hope every one had a awesome weekend and Happy Fathers Day!! We are enjoying the day at home with our baby's!!

Not So Good News *Sigh*

Carl was laid off today. They had a meeting at work and told every one they will be laid off at lest until August. This is not good news for us right now.We are trying to find another house and are so over whelmed with it all!!I don't understand really I don't?God says he wont give us more then we can handle but this sure is a lot to handle all at once!! I have faith we can get through this and grow from it but I am not looking at or for the big picture as of right now. I am just getting by day to day as it is I feel like I am going to have a break down at some points.*Sigh* I don't know what we are suppose to do.We have 4 kids we can't be homeless.This is hard and I don't like the way I feel at this moment in my life I have never failed to provide my children with all they need and this time it seems I have. I am just so confused and scared. Where will we end up? I am going to try not to stress out to much and believe that it will all work out. please pray that it all works out for us we really need it and Thank you All!