Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Ugh my Poor 2 year old little guy dose not know what will hit him when we have the baby. I try to tell him and he Just dose not get it! How can you Prepare a 2 year old for a new baby?? He is My Sweet Sweet Baby! I do not want him to feel replaced.
It is so hard for me to feel like I am not replacing someone else already. I can not count the times I have cried and prayed over the feelings of replacing My daughter with a new one. I know I know I am not and I never will but How can I Not Feel like it?? How can you lose some one you love so much and not feel like you are replacing them with a new person you love SO Much??!! I is hard very very hard internal fight with my self everyday to feel Joy and not Pain. I still feel like I am not having a baby I still feel like this isn't real I will not go to the Hospital and walk out with a New Daughter. She kicks and I hear and see her on U/S but she is still so far Still so unreal to me. I can Hardly bring myself to buy her things. I never thought I would have a daughter after Sonya so it is so so hard not to feel like I am betraying her replacing her in some way. I know not all will understand but I know in My Heart there are people out there who understand and think the way I do. I struggle so much with this and all the sickness it is really really Hard to ever be happy or just enjoy My Little Lexie. I am so lost at this point as to what I should do about it all. I don't Know I just Don't Know. I Guess that's it, That's all I have to say right now. If you read this Pray for me to find a place that I need to Be. Thank You.