Tuesday, October 5, 2010
I am in the Hospital and have been here since Sunday this is the second time in a week I have ended up here. I came in on Wednesday the 23rd and was here until Sunday the 26th and now here I sit again and will probable stay here for the next 10 weeks. They keep going back and forth about what to do and it is driving me kind of crazy I wish they would just make up their minds it is hard for my family for me to come in and out and I think even though I am away from my Children and it stinks that I should just stay so they do not keep getting traumatized by Mommy coming home and leaving over and over again!I was here for The Walk To Remember and to for Sonya's reburial and that hit me really hard I really wanted to be there with my Family! I miss my Family so so much and hate being so far away. I am happy to be here though and getting the care for My Daughter and I. I just want to stay I am so scared to go home and have something happen and not get here on time I have so so many things wrong!
Here is what I wrote on A Birth Board about my Problems:
I have Placenat Accrea (sp?)that is slowly starting to show signs of precerta(sp) and looks like it may grow in to my bladder if it already hasn't.I have C-Section scar dishisons that separated a bit at around 14 weeks but as of now hasn't got worse also uterus is so thin the can not measure it and it looks like there is nothing there in MRI and U/S. I also have blood in my urine and stool and I have an autoimmune disorder and diverticulitis and cilecas(sp?).I have to have a hysterectomy at the birth so they have to make sure I am close just in case something gos wrong since I have low platelets and Iron.Throw in my dislocating and swelling joints and I have loads of fun! I feel like I am falling apart.Ugh I don't care about the scar that the classic C will leave but do do worry about it going from pubic bone to almost breast because the uterus is so big they have to cut high! I am worried about recovery time and having to go to the ICU for a couple days to a week and get a bunch of blood transfusions.Then having to deal with never having children again. Oh Joy This should be fun but as long as Lexie is safe and Healthy it is so so worth it all! I don't care what I have to go through as long as Lexie stays in there as long as she can! I wasn't even suppose to be in the Hospital full time until I was 32 weeks but new is was a possibility after 24 so here we are 2 days from being 24!! I am happy I am in here since I live so far away I would have been scared that I wouldn't get here in time. I may do the "sleepover" Idea that sounds good I am sure he will love me as much as he dose now I am just scared he will think I don't Love him! Thank you all for taking the time to read this!
So as you can see there is a lot going on to be worried about. I dont know why they would even think of sending me home at this point I am going to be 24 weeks tomorrow and we have already planned on me coming and staying here soon because of the risk of being so far away. I am at a loss for how to explane to them my reasoning for wanting to stay. I am just really scared at this point and think it is the best place for me.
Please I Need Prayers Now more then ever. Here is what for:
Please Pray they make the right choice for me and keep me here.
Please Pray that my family makes the adjustment well and this all dose not distured and trumazie their lifes to much.
Please Pray for Our Fianances we are really tight and it takes a lot of money to drive out here we are backed up on all our bills and my husband dose not make enough to keep up!
Please Pray my Mom will get my disablity aproved because it will really help with the finances.
Please Pray my Mom and Husband adjust well with me being away and take care of the boys the way I would.
Please Pray that the Boys Adjust well to this all and do not become to sad.
Please Pray that I do not get to Lonely and keep my Faith through this whole thing!
Please Pray That Lexie and I stay safe and well taken Care of.
I believe that God will let whats best happen and not give me more then I can handle! I believe he has a plan for me and I am just waiting for it to unfold before me. I Love The Lord with all My Heart and Soul!I could not get through My days with out my Faith in Him. He is The reason I am the Person I am today. I Thank Him everyday for the Life and Family He has given me! I Thank Him everyday for The time I had with Sonya and The time I have with The Boys and Lexie! I Love You Lord.
While I guess this is long enough. Please if any One really reads this Pray for me. Thank You and God Bless. I hope everyone is having A Great Day!!