Untethered

Lexie Finally Had Her Spine Surgery And this is what I wrote on Face Book I Promise I will Write More here Soon! I Have been so neglectful with My Blog!!

Ok Everyone Sorry For The Delay In Details of Lexie's Surgery, It Has Been and Relieving But Very Stressful Day For Us.......................Lexie Went Into Surgery Around 7:15 Am and Was Out By 11:40 Am. Surgery Went Well Thank You God And All Who Prayed For Us! It Also Went Faster Then Expected and Went Smoothly. She Had A Small Piece Of Bone Removed then they disconnected the tether, It had a Few Nerves attached to it but the peeled them right off so Surgery went complication Free In The OR As Far We Can Tell So Far. It Will Take Time To See If That Really Is The Case...................Now To The Stressful Part(Thank You To My Mom For All Her Help!!) Lexie Has To Be Sedated on her Tummy As Flat As Possible For At Least 24 Hours But I have Heard It May Be Up to 3 days! She Has been Having Trouble With The Sedation...............They Came To Get Us After Lexie Woke Up In Recovery and They had Sedated her So We Could Walk to the Room with Her and When She Saw Us She Tried to Get up So They Had to Give Her More Meds............She Has Fought Through The Meds So Many Time I Can't Count..........*Sigh* Then She Has To be Held Down Until She Settles Down SO She Doesn't Hurt Her Back......I Have to Help Hold Her Down Because She Is So Strong. I Can't Touch, Talk two, Kiss, Hold, Or Be Near Lexie As Of Now Same For Carl We are to Stimulating for Her She can stand Everyone Else But Us As Soon As She Hears Our Voice's Her Vitals Go Crazy and She Trys To Crawl to Us. She Can Have No Visitors Or Phone Call's Please Until She Is Not At All Sedated And I Am Not Able To Touch Her, Or Go Near Her, Or Talk In The Same Room As Her. It Breaks My Heart Not being able to Comfort My Sick Hurt Baby! I Know It Is For The Best And She Has And AidSitter That is There Just for Her and Wont Wake Her Up. She Is On 6 Different Meds, Has 2 IV's, A Cath, Presser cuff,leds and o2 censers . She Is Squeaking In Her Sleep LOL Cute!! Sorry It Took So Long To get This Out It's Been Along Hard Stressful Day! Please Continue To Pray For Lexie If You Can And Know I am Grateful and Am Praying For You To!

MRI is Scheduled!

Lexie's MRI is on August 15th and we have to be to the hospital in Grand Rapids at 8am then she has to be put under and the MRI is at 10 then we will be in recovery for some time then off to the Neurosurgeon to get the result's of the MRI at 2:30pm and we will go from there! Please Pray that her spine will be find or have only a mild defect. Thank You! We are hoping for the best and preparing for the worse.........We know God will not give us more then we can handle! We have faith that even if there is something wrong she will get complete healing! I think I have said before that if it is found to be tethered we will have the surgery as soon as possible. Sometimes they never get symptoms but once they lose function it can never be restored.Please Pray for Us and Lexie Thank You!

The Waiting Game and Life Update...

As I have wrote before Lexie Has to have an MRI in July to see if she has a tethered Spine and if so we will opt for surgery. I have waited all month for them to call and they said to call them if they did not call by the end of the month so I called and got the answering machine Ugh!! So now we wait some more! The waiting is Killing Me! I just want it all to be over I want to know what we have to do next and just have a plan! Carl has started a new Job (yay for Him!) that will make it almost impossible for him to be at the MRI and Hard to be there for the Surgery if it is needed! This makes me very upset that he will not be able to be there for our daughter when she needs him since she will have to be put under for the MRI so you never know how her body will handle it. I am so nervous with it all! I am scared of what the will find since she has one curved leg and her foot on that leg turns in some she also has a floppy ear on that side but other then that she is a healthy happy almost 6 month old! She is doing great she rolls and sits up eats like a champ and says words I do not think I ever heard from a baby her age! She learned her H and I first because instead of the repetitive Say Mama Or Say Dada most people do well trying to get their kids to say those sounds I use Hi and I love you most when speaking to her so she picked up those start sounds first.She is so cute! I will say Hello to her and she will mouth the word! I will also say I Love you and she will make sounds that sound like the words I love you! She is a Beautiful baby though I may be Bisus Because after all she is is mine! She has said both Mama and Dada one time each. She will sign more, bottle and up. She also has her own signs for a few more things. She will eat baby food but is more interested in food that has texture and cups that don't have lids she has an a want sound that sounds like a growl! She is just a handful and a Joy! She takes up most of my time so it is a bit annoying when trying to get things done I need to through out the day! She dose sleep pretty good from about 11 pm to 6 am every night now which is nice since I have a 3 year old that has slept one night through since birth! She plays with toys by herself but would rather play with someone then alone. I wear her as much as I can but I have hip, back, and shoulder problems so it is hard on my body sometimes!

Wow I can not believe I have two birthdays coming up one Son Collin Will be 10 OMG I can not believe he is that old already! Then Logan Will be 3 and that seems right he has not grown up to fast or to slow but just the right pace for me! Logan is very small for his age he is 29 pounds and 34 in the size of an average 18 month old! He is my tiniest boy and I Love him that way! Collin is very smart and is going into the 4th grade next year! It took us a lot of work to get him to the little man he is today but he is a handful and a joy all in one! He is a handful in the sense he is very emotional and dose not have the ability to express it like normal people he is a joy in the sense he is kind and loving and a very giving person! He is so sweet and a Joy to be around but he is also very loud and get frustrated easily and will yell and threaten me in a none violent way (IE telling me he will tell people I hurt him when I don't) And it gets very annoying at times but the good in him out weighs all the bad!

As I said earlier Carl(husband) has got a new Job! He was miserable at his old one and only kept going because he needed to support us. If he didn't have the kids and I to take care of he would have quit long ago. For that I Love him so Very Much and will Thank Him and God for him Everyday! He likes this job better but hates the place in the foundry they have put him at this point. I hope he will get to work some place he likes better in the near future! He gets better pay and better perks but less over time so we will be tight for awhile, If anyone reads this can you Please Pray for our finances? Thank You!

My health is still not so good, in the summer it always gets worse. The doctors can't agree on what is wrong, It is very frustrating to know your sick and not be able to say yes I have this and have people believe you. Some people say it is all in your head and you start to think Hummmm maybe it is even though you know its not and know you are not crazy and there Is something wrong! I am soo Sick of being tired, and having sores, and losing hair, and my Joints swelling and aching so so badly...... I just want to know what is wrong and be able to at least fix what we can! I have been battling this my whole life but mostly for the last 12 years. 12 years I have been labeled a druggie and told nothing was wrong and oh my pain couldn't be that bad and I must be depressed to have so much wrong with me( you know Psycho-somatic!)I am not depressed nor have I ever been and I do have real symptoms they are not in my Head I do not manifest them and I do not over exaggerate to get attention! If anything I under exaggerated them so people do not know because I hate to be worried about! I just want to be normal and be able to go in the sun and play with my kids! I hate it that I can't just be Normal!!

We are doing great in the new house the kids love it and are enjoying being able to run around and not having to worry about rude mean neighbors or gun fire. It's nice to be out in the woods. It's just hard on the budget to be so far away from Carl's work but its worth it to give our children a better environment to grow up in.
gets f
I am doing ok with missing Sonya. It is still so very hard and I know when it comes October again I will be back in the same place I am in every year. I Just take it one day at a time and enjoy my living children and enjoy the fact that she is in heaven with Jesus and I will see her again someday! If I didn't know that, That was a Fact I would not be able to live life day to day. I praise God everyday for the strength and faith he has given me because if I did not have it I would be a lost person or may not even be here (I know that's bad but it is the truth)I Thank The Lord every day for Carrying me through the most horrible time in my life.

Thank you to all who read this and Pray for us. I have been a sporadic blogger because I just have not had the time and health needed to keep up! I promise I will try harder to keep up. I Love to write here and it helps me a lot!

Pictures Of My Baby's!!

Pictures Of My Beautiful Baby's!!
Joseph Scott


Collin Alexzander


Bryan Duncan John


Logan Lee


Lexie Lou


Sonya Marie I Will Always Love You

Life

Well I am kind of frustrated with my healthcare.............They say something is wrong but can not figure it out Oh you may have this but there is not enough evidence or you may have that but one blood test came back normal! Ugh isn't 12 years enough haven't I lived with this long enough where do I turn now No one will listen or understand me! I lost My hair my skin is scarred and I have pain and warmth in my joints! I just wish wish I could get better.I am So sick of having No Hair! I loved my hair now it is gone and dose not look like its coming back any time soon. I am so so sick of being sick it is really wearing me down. I can't do this anymore I need to Know what is going on! God Why can't They Find Something!!?? Please if anyone reads this Please Pray for my Health to improve, Thank you!

We are doing well in our house every thing is settling nicely please Pray that our finances stay good so we will not have more to worry about. The kids love it here and have fun outside and with friends which is more then I can say where we use to be. We have a creek and woods and and open field (power lines) We see wild life all over and it is so nice.

Lexie will have her MRI sometime in July I am waiting on pins and needles for them to call me already to tell me the date they are suppose to call me sometime this month....Yeah I know There has only been One day in this month but I am just so so anxious to get the results so we know what we are dealing with. Please Pray she will not have a teatherd spine Thank you!

Well I guess that is it, I have been neglecting my blog for sometime and am sorry I just feel so sick and have so much to do it is hard to get on here! I will try to update more often.I Love writing here. May Be Someone Is Listen By Reading..................Maybe

Posting From My Phone

Well Carl Got me this cool new phone so now I can post from the phone! I have been having fun with it! I can not believe my baby girl is already 4 months old! How time flys! Thats it for now.

As I sit here rocking my Beautiful Daughter I think of another Little girl and wonder if she would have liked to be rocked, How it would have been to rock her and Look into her sweet face as she gazes up at me and I wonder what color I would see when I met that sweet little gaze? I wonder if I would softly touch her sweet head with my lips as I do now with This Little Girl and If so What color would the soft hair on that little head be??I rock and wonder if she would be calm or fussy? Would she Look Like Me or Her Dad? Would she like to dance with me like the others? What would be Our song the one I sang Just to her as she drifts to sleep in my arms? Would she look up at me a coo and giggle just because I say Hi Laugh or make funny excited faces? Would she have Like to be on her Tummy? What would her first word be? When would she take her First Step?? As I Look At My Sleeping Daughter I imagine what could have been with a daughter I got to spend so little time with And never got to hold in my arms.Sometimes I close my eyes and feel the wight and picture the other little Girl I wanted so badly I imagine what she would look like, how big she would be, and I see her, I do I keep my eyes closed I want it so badly to be real to be real for just one moment to have just a glimps of her sweet face and a whife of her sweet smell. Just One Moment............But then I open them and she is gone and here in my arms is My Beautiful Little Lexie Not a replacement....Oh No...But A New Hope a New Life A Little Piece of Healing for my heart! I cry as I hold her at times because of the pain I feel for not having Sonya but also For the Love and Joy I have to have Lexie Here and Healthy. I Love her so much but She dose not take the pain away she dose not Heal My Broken Heart like People say A New Child Will! I will never be the same I will never Have a Whole Heart again in this life I will never have a Whole Heart until I go home to My Lord and See my Little Sonya. I am just so lost in this life sometimes wondering why I am here and why I had to lose her but I know one day I will know and I will Rejoice as I see her face in Heaven...............That day will not come soon enough but to soon if any one can understand that. I hurt to think of the people I will leave behind but I am excited about that people who will meet me when I go home! I would like to stay in this life for as long as I can to see my children and Grandchildren grow but I know My time will come when it dose and I will be in the glory of the lord and rejoice but until then I will love and live my life for the Lord!
I Love You Sonya Marie................
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Waiting is So Hard!

Ugh waiting for Lexie to be old enough for her MRI is So hard! I just want to know if she has a teatherd spine so we can take the next step it is clear to me that there is something wrong with her lower spine it feels lower then it should be and she acts like she is in pain if moved or touched the wrong way and you and visually see the folds in her back that are not suppose to be there. Ugh waiting is just so so hard. I do not know how some people wait there whole life away.
On another Note............We got the dream house!! We have been in it for about a week and it is so nice as I am in it more I see some of the little imperfections but that makes it all the more appling to me because it feels more like a home then a show piece I can breath a little better knowing that I can live in the house and not have to worry about every little thing. I enjoy not having to fear for our safety or being jammed in a way to small apartment anymore! It is nice to look out the window and see dear. I don't like the rusty water that is horrid but we will get that fixed!I enjoy that I can send my boys out to play and not have to worry about if they will be safe or them getting in to trouble!

Lord How I Miss Her..............................................................................That's all tonight.

Doors

When Life give you lemons you make lemonade right?? What if you Hate lemonade then what?? I have always wondered that. Thanks to God for what he has given and for his memory's of what he has taken away. We will never be the same after but we will always be better if we stay on the right path for our life. As one door close's this Year a New one Opens for Us At first it was a door of happens then one of pain and loss and now one of new opportunity's...We can chose to Step all the way through to the unknown but seemingly Bright future or We can Close it and stay here in the Dark...........I chose to step through and see where it takes me it may be a rocky walk but I have faith we will be better off when we find out where we are going then if we stay here and wait for things to change when do things ever change when you sit and wait?

Update on Life

Well it is one month since Lexie has come into this world and I have had the most wonderful time being her Mommy! She is so good and so so Beautiful my life would not be the same with out her. Logan is Adjusting so Amazingly much better then I ever hoped for he Loves Lexie to Pieces! I am still worried and it feels like June will never be here. I just want to know I just want to get the MRI and Know what will happen. Her back is differnt from the boys so that worries me to he feels like she has spine right by her tail bone it is really hard to explan what I mean. I am Praying for the best but perparing for the worst. I love her so much she is such a Joy! I wonder if Sonya would be like Lexie Or Logan or some where between?

We are still living with my mom and will be packing up our house soon to put into storage. I miss my house and having my own space I can not help but feel like a burden on them. We are doing well considering we live 9 people in on tiny apartment.I love my mom but some day's I feel like screaming to be somewhere of my own. We are looking for places now.

I can not believe my Little Girl is 1 month old already! Please Pray For Us We Needed it So much Thank you!

Prayers For Lexie!Thank You All!!

Lexie Has a Probable Tethered Spine. She had a Ultrasound and it showed her spine is lower then it should be and is not floating like it should so the neurosurgeon said it is more then likely a Thickened/tight filum terminale (a delicate filament near the tailbone). He said it could be nothing and that is what we are hoping for but he is pretty sure she is tethered. We will not know for sure until July when she is old enough to have the MRI with out as many risks. If she has it she will have Surgery some time between 6 to 8 months and will need to spend at least 3 days in the hospital for the simplest surgery (which is the one that the doctor is almost sure it will be if she dose in fact have a tether) and up from there if it is more complected. This is very hard for us, We have been having so much going on making life hard but have pushed through it all so I know we will get through this to. I went to the doctor with my healthy happy little girl and came out not knowing if my baby is ok. She is my Sweet Girl and this is just another thing that proves what a miracle she truly is! We have to watch for signs of spine damaged between now and July but the doctor says we should not see any because she is so small and will not be using her spine to stand or sit but if we do see weakness of one side of her body or her legs bowl or bladder trouble then to get her in right away. The goal is to get her in for surgery if it is tethered before she is mobile enough to damaged her spine but old enough to handle the anesthesia with out as many risks.I am So So Scared right now for her but I have faith that all will be ok but I am So Scared for my Little Girl. There are so many things that could go wrong that could stop working because of this problem and you can not get function back once it is damaged by this. Please Pray for Complete healing I know what pray can do and it would be awesome to go to the MRI and they say nothing is wrong!! Please Pray for Lexie! Thank You!

Here is a site with some info about Tethered Spines:

http://www.neurosurgerytoday.org/what/patient_e/tethered_syndrome.asp

My Little Lexie Needs Your Prayers Please!!

Lexie is going for her spine Ultrasound and Neurosurgeon Appointment tomorrow. She has a double fold with dimple at the base of her spine. The doctors are not to worried but want to take no chances so she needed to be seen before 2 weeks. She will be 12 days old. I wanted to see the new Devos Children's Hospital maybe take a tour but I did not want to see the inside of it because they think there is something wrong with one of my Baby's!! It is an Amazing Hospital inside and out but I would rather Not have to go there for this but am glad it is here Thank The Lord!! When we need it! So if you could all Pray for her to be just fine I would really be Grateful to you all Thank You! She is so cute Lexie is now 5 pounds 7 ounces. She is doing great other then this problem. She is a little stuffy but all newborns are and the Boys are adjusting to her well even Logan who I thought would be Horrible but he Loves her SO Much! We are so blessed with all we have in this life! There is alot that has been taken from us our home are keepsakes for our daughter Sonya Everything of Vaule we own our trust in people in this world! We have been staying with my mom and are doing pretty well we have not stayed in the house since I have had Lexie because we do not feel safe I spent so so much time preparing our home for our daughter then to have someone destroy it and never get to bring her home to it! Please say some prayers for us we need it Thank You so much I will update on Lexie Tomorrow! Thank You All!!

Well We Need More Prayer Please! So Unreal but this is True! (Hard to believe all this stuff can happen to one Family I know!!)

Well I come here in Tears and Kind of Heart Broken tonight............................................My Husband Carl Went home today to get a few things and do A few things I asked him to* Sigh*...........When he Got there Our House was Ran Sacked! We Have been Gone for a Day and Some One Kicked in our Back Door and Tore Through Our House!! I Spent So Much time getting things ready for our Daughter to Come Home and Now it is ruined and We will Not go Back to our little House we spent so Much time Prepare for Lexie! We Have No Home that is Safe enough to Bring our Kids to we will not spend another night there...............................Some One Came Through Our House and tore things out of place and Knocked over My Chine Cabinet that Carl got Me for my Birthday With all My passed away Daughters stuff in to and destroyed My Daughters thing, Things I can Never replace. My Wedding Stuff was all Smashed to, Thank God Some of it was Saved! One Little Glass Angel Held Up that 200 pound hutch and Saved Some of My daughters things!! Saved My Little Lexie's swing from being Crushed under the wight of the thing. Mom and Carl said the swing seems to be undamaged! Thank You Lord! They went through my Laundry and Went through my room and My Boys room and Tipped over there beds and tossed their Stuff all Over. They tossed My filing cabinet stuff everywhere and and they went in My room and Flipped My bed and took my top dresser Drawer out and tossed it on my bed! They even took things from My daughters Bed the one I worked so Hard to Put together the one I took Care and Put love into for her to come home to the one that now has to be broke down and Moved to where ever we end up and tossed them all over My my bed. Everything that was important to me has ran sacked!! Why I do not Know. The Police were called they found foot Prints and they May have caught someone I hope!! I am so Lost right Now. I am over Joyed at the Birth of My Daughter but Crushed at the Loss of My Home and My daughters things that I can not get back and The Loss of My New Daughters Home that she will never come to that I prepared for her that I put My Love into. I am Just taking it one step at a time. I have Faith that God Dose Not give us Challenges we Can not Handle. I know I will learn something from this and I know it will Not Rock My Faith!! I Believe In The Lord and That things Happen for A Reason and I will someday Know the reason for it all!! I Know this is the enemy trying to tare me Down Trying to Steal My Faith Trying to Rock My World so I will Crumble But I will Not be Broken I will Not Lose Faith!! Please Pray for Us We Need it Very Bad! We Are Hurting We Have No Home To Take Our Daughter to We have to explain to Our Son's Why they can not go Home. We Need Prayer for Strength and Guidance. Also to find A New Home So we are Not displaced for to long. We Have No Money No Home and Do Not know where to Start on this New Journey! I feel Lost in the Dark But I see the Light and Will Move toward it!! Thank You to All Of You Who Care and Love Us!! We Need your Love your Support your Prayer and Your Kindness!! I do Not Know where we are going from here but I do Know that there is No Place to Go From Here But Up and Out of the Darkness!! Please Pray For My Family And I. Thank You!!

Prayers For My Daughter Please!? Thank You All!!

Prayer Request Please!! Lexie Has to see Dr.Woods (Ped) who will refer us to a Nero-Surgeon when we go Home Because.............*Sigh* Where her back of her spine meet the tail Bone she has an extra Fold of skin and a "dimple" which could be hooked to her spine there like "Mild" Spinenabifada (Sp??) She moves her Legs well so They are Hopeful it is nothing. Bryan also had something Like this and it turned out to be almost something but nothing!! So we are Hoping for the same thing in Lexie's Case!!She May need a Ultrasound or MRI or X-ray of her back! Wow like I said before Every Good thing that happens to me there is some bad I can never Just Enjoy My Joy!! I am Not going to let this get me down Though! I am Holding My Little Miracle as we speak and Sucking up all the Love she Has!!I know we can get through anything with God! I Have Seen The Power Of Pray! It can Move Mountains and Change all Things!! I Have Faith That God Will Protect and Heal Her!! Praise God For All He Has Done For Us and Praise God For All He Will Do!! Just Please Pray For Her!! Thank You!!