Sunday, September 21, 2008


My husband went to jail right before our rehearsal! He couldn't even be there! I was so mad but we went on with it with out him I was is a fog the whole time though! After the rehearsal we had to go set up the hall my family set it up and some of Carl's friends well his family went to bail his butt out of Jail! By the time he got to the hall every thing was done his mom was floored by how beautiful it turned out! I was so happy be cause I am the one that picked every thing out. I am upset at our photographer for not taking a picture of it finsed we have bits and pieces of it but not one full picture of the hall I was so sad. I can't believe we will be married a year tomorrow its amazing how much has changed since then. I love my life so much I just wish we were better off I wish I would have gone to college so I could give my kids a better life but God gives us what we have to work with and we are doing pretty well so far.
I want my boys to have it all to have the world at there finger tips to have every opportunity in this life. I know I will never be able to give it all to them but I can give them whats important food shelter and most important love but I still wish I could give them it all I would work my self to the grave if it meant they would be able to have the best things in life.
I think they need me more though more then expensive cloths and vacations and such I think they need me to be here to help them with home work and play with them and watch them grow. I do not want to miss out on all the little things in their life's. I do not want to be the mother that miss's my child's first steps and day of school and such because I am claiming the ladder of success I mean if its right for you then go for it but its not for me. I must do somthing though to put my family in a better place so my awesome husband dose not have to work so much and so we are not worried if we will have a home next month.
I wish it was all easier I miss the care free days before I had responsablites but I would not trade my life I have now for the world. I love my family so so much they are my every thing! Every day I wake up and wonder why such a wonderful man would pick me to marrie! I love him more then he will ever know. My world is full of specile people that I love so much.
I hate being dyslaxice it makes people think I am stupid. I can't spell worth crap and my math is just as bad.
I miss my daughter so so much. I just want to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her. Some times I look in Logan's bed and think I will see her there wonder if she would look like him at the same age. I never got to hold her but I have such a deep love for her its unreal to me. How could god take her away from me why did she have to leave me here wanting her so badly some days I don't even want to get out of bed because it hurts so bad. I still cry for her most days there is not a day that go's by I do not think of her and wonder what she would have been doing if she was here with us how big she would be how much I would love to just look at her. I miss her. I would die if it would bring her back for just a moment. We want to try one more time for a daughter but I have no idea how I would love her as much how I could bare to look at her with out seeing my Sonya there. I miss her so very much. God why did she have to go.

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